PENFIELD, N.Y. — Gary Scialdone is dying, so it’s fine to have an ice cream sundae for lunch.

“My sons and I talked about my death over the years,” Scialdone said. “When the boys were young, it was a much easier conversation. I would take a tie from my tie rack and put it on to go to work and my son would say, ‘Dad, can I have those ties when you’re gone?’ I said, ‘You stinker, why do you want my ties when I’m gone?’ ‘Well, because they’re nice ties. I don’t want them to get wasted,'” he recalled with a laugh.

Gary has held on to those ties for decades through some really hard times. Years ago, the single father of two boys was diagnosed with tongue cancer. “When I got to the car, in the parking lot, I broke down in the car and cried in the car,” he said.

He beat that bout and several other cancers over the years while earning two master’s degrees, traveling the world, and spending countless hours with his grandson, Augie. But now, the cancer is back and the odds of the treatment working weren’t good.

“They said, ‘You’re not going to heal and it’s not going to be pleasant,'” Scialdone said.

Jennifer Lewke, News10NBC: “So you decided not to do it?”

Gary Scialdone: “I decided not to.”

Gary likely just has days left. He’s spending them at the Shepherd Home in Penfield. It’s a hospice house, funded totally by donations and staffed by volunteers.

“This is a wonderful place. All these people who are here are here because they want to be here,” he says.

Gary knows that first-hand because for years, he was one of the volunteers caring for people who were dying at the Shepherd Home.

“I sat here holding people’s hands when they’ve passed, several times and making jokes with them, and ‘What do you want for breakfast?’ and this and that. I knew how it could be right and it doesn’t have to be horrible,” he said. Life doesn’t have to end in a nursing home or a hospital.

Gary’s family can visit anytime, they can sleep in his room or a guest room downstairs and the whole set-up is free to the person who is living out their last days. Before coming to the Shepherd Home, Gary was living with his son and his family, who were his caretakers.

“When you’re here, just the family part stays. They don’t have to worry about feeding me, dressing me, bathing me. Nothing. If I need to talk to them, I’ve got the phone right here or vice versa,” Scialdone said.

Jennifer Lewke: “They can just love you.”

Gary Scialdone: “Yeah, they can just be my family again.”

They can eat ice cream sundaes, share stories, and reminisce until the time comes.

“I’m pretty much done, right? I got the one task left to do, which is to pass, to die, and I’m going to do that here,” Scialdone said.

And when he does, he plans to leave those sought-after ties to little Augie.

There are several hospice homes like the Shepherd Home in the Rochester region. They all rely on donations from the community and volunteers.

To learn more about Comfort Care homes in our region: